According to Christopher Ryan; women have been raised in this society to agree to things that they don’t want to agree to, especially around sex. If you want a sexual relationship to be truly precipitant, you need to investigate it and talk about it.
If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having it. Our society has made talking about sex a taboo topic. Our society has made it difficult and so shameful. It can be awkward and weird. People get drunk and fuck and never talk about it or explore it, which is unfortunate on all kinds of different levels. Sometimes people can abuse someone else without knowing it. ME too generation.
We need to diminish the importance of sex by making it easier to talk about. Because we make this such a big deal and we can empower the sexual interaction so much that the exact same interaction that isn’t about sex and we don’t make it such a big deal is. A penis appears and makes everything awkward. A dick makes things a big deal, which shouldn’t be a big deal.
If you get touched by a dick, it turns a nice girl into a whore. It doesn’t work that way. If you get touched with a dick it turns a straight guy into a gay guy. It doesn’t work that way. Dicks are not magical. Men and women need to wrap their heads around that one. We need to reduce the dick to what it is. Having a bigger dick is not going to make women like you more. A dude who has a bigger dick and fucks your girlfriend is not going to leave you for him. Dicks are not like that and we give dicks too much power. We give dicks that much power and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you believe a nice girl has a dick in her and now becomes a dirty worthless slut, then in your head, that’s exactly how it will play out. It’s not true. There is nothing about her coming into contact with a dick that changes who she is. If you have that belief structure, then in your head it changes who she is. And in addition to being an extreme violation of her, it is a shame for you too because now you are dividing the world into nice girls and girls who have sex, which means you can never have sex with a nice girl, which means you are doomed to a lonely fucking life because every woman who has sex with you or sex with someone else before she met you or has sex with anyone else, that’s someone that you can relate to. Well you have just painted yourself into a very tight corner there. A very lonely corner. In addition to that you are totally shooting yourself in the foot. It’s just not true.
Just like it’s not true that a 15 or 16-year-old guy who has never had sex and now has sex and it makes him into a man. It doesn’t make him into a man. No, that’s not what a man is. A man is not a boy who put his dick into a girl. That isn’t a man. We need to really think through these things. No, she didn’t make him a man. She fucked him and that’s all.
OR, he took her virginity. He took it? Where did he go with it and what did he do with it? Did that make him a virgin then? Or did he go give it to another woman who fucks a lot and now she’s a virgin? I took it from her and now I gave it to you. What are we talking about?
A man’s mistake is that he got in trouble sexually (Lewis C.K. got in trouble for masturbating in front of women) because he didn’t talk, and he didn’t have this experience with women he didn’t really know. And that may be part of the thrill. These chicks I hardly know are watching me jerk off. If that’s the thrill, talk to your therapist about it. Because it’s not cool. There is nothing wrong with masturbating in front of women. What is wrong is imposing that on somebody who doesn’t really know what they are getting into and being totally oblivious to the fact that you are a big star and that one of the reasons these people hang out with you is because you are a big star and hoping that by hanging out with you will help them professionally.
Lewis C.K.’s mistake isn’t that he jerked off in front of women it is that he was dumb about it. We need to know the people that we are having an experience with…and how is your presence in their life impacting them. We want to have a positive impact to other’s lives. It needs to be a net positive. It won’t always be a net positive but for the majority, we hope it to be a net positive.
Sex is great and sex is important. The majority of the pleasure of sex is thinking about it beforehand, remembering it afterwards, talking about it, and it’s not just the act itself. It’s the light that it casts on the rest of your life. So, if you aren’t talking about it, you are missing a lot of the potential of the intimacy, thrill, and juiciness of what sex is.
It’s like eating. You get so fucking hungry that you want to wolf down your meal. And, it’s over and now you are going to go do something else. People who eat fast and don’t savor it. These people who eat Goop. These tech dudes on the cutting edge and don’t have time to eat so they are going to get their food out of this tube. Well, they miss the whole meaning of a meal. They are missing out. There is a lot of pleasure in eating that doesn’t just involve your mouth.
A meal involves knowing where the food came from, it involves growing the food, hunting for the food, it involves so many processes. It can involve lighting candles and setting a table and anticipating the arrivals of your friends, and choosing what music you are going to play, and who is coming tonight. Is so and so going to like so and so. The meaning around eating the meal can be 50X richer than the meal itself. It doesn’t matter what the meal is. It can be Tacos, it can be burgers, it can be curry. The point is what is happening around that experience.
When we fail to talk about sex due to hang ups or shame, we are depriving ourselves of the vast majority of the experience. The potential experience. So talk about sex before you have it, while you are having it, after your having it, and that is the joy. That is the beauty and that’s where you learn stuff. That’s where the juice is.
SINKING SHIP
Should I divorce myself from reality (With all the stupid shit going on right now) but I don’t want to bury my head in the sand. Facing reality brings about the reality of my complete lack of control in the world, which sucks too. It is an interesting conundrum.
The premise is that there is a sense of reality here. There is one reality here and he is thinking should he divorce himself from it or remain in direct contact with it. The fact is that there are an infinite number of realities. And some demand our attention more than others.
Our reality is shaped by our perception. This is not an original thought and anyone from Buddha to Jesus to Einstein has made the same point. But, especially today when we are living in a techno-social world that is hungrier for our attention, it pays to be very careful what we do with our attention.
Essentially all those apps are made to capture our attention and take hold of our attention. These apps are not neutral, and they are designed to be attention parasites. It is an attention economy to get your eyes on the ads. It is quicksand for your attention and doesn’t want you to look away. Meanwhile the seconds, the minutes, the weeks and years of your life at ticking away. You are being farmed for your attention.
What do we mean when we say this reality needs my attention and making me anxious? What is this reality we are talking about?
I can turn from your reality around you and focus in on Trump destroying our Democracy. And, I can expand on that and say it’s not really Trump, he’s a symptom and not a cause. We have allowed selfishness and a brutal disregard for concerns of other people is what America has grown in the back yard. And there is this Pandemic happening, which is causing great suffering and it is exposing the fault lines in American culture. A lack of universal income is devastating and creating a revolution and destruction.
The Powers at be want stability more than anything. They want to keep doing what they are doing so if the shit is going crazy, stuff burning in the streets, that is going to cause a problem for them, and they don’t want that. Also access to healthcare for everyone is obviously necessary due to the Pandemic. It is clear the incompetence of government in Washington that is happening right now. The only way things are going to improve is to see rock bottom.
Yeah but the environment is being destroyed. We are on a road to oblivion. There are so many disasters I could be thinking about. They are all true and they are all real.
And it is up to me and it is my choice what to think about. So, we need to focus on our immediate world. Yes, there is a lot of shit going on in the world, but if you have a shitty job or a shitty marriage, you need to take care of it. IF you are doing something that you feel ashamed of, why are you selling yourself so cheap?
You need to arrange your life, so you have maximum freedom in order to take risks that don’t work out or fall on your face.
We are on a sinking ship. We are all going to die. We need to deal with our immediate reality. Don’t worry about the world. Your problems aren’t with the world. The world is a problem. But, right now if things weren’t going great in the world, you will still have the shitty job and the shitty relationship. No matter how great things are in the world, you will still be unhappy.
Choose the reality you want to focus on. Choose the one that immediately affects you. Choose the one where you are looking at the quality of your daily life. And, how can you affect that. You can’t change the fact that the coral reefs are bleaching. There is nothing you can do about that. It’s worth knowing about. It’s worth grieving over. But, there is nothing you can do about it. I think the amount of time and effort you put towards that should be only that which is to require you to acknowledge its existence.
The bulk of your time should be going towards your immediate existence. Think locally. And act locally. Deal with your friendships. Deal with the food you eat. Deal with where you live and where you work. Deal with the absence of meaning in your life right now. Look at the reality you can control.
Our country is a sinking ship. It is possible to have a good time on a sinking ship. I know the ship is sinking and it breaks my heart. I can try and have a good time and help other people have a good time while this happens.
A lot of us will already be dead when the ship goes down. I will probably be one of those and maybe you will be too. And sometimes when the ship sinks, people float off to islands and find that they are much better off than they were living on the ship of civilization. So, who knows how this will play out?
If it plays out that Western Civilization collapses and we all end up living in small villages, growing our own food, and hunting, raising some animals, loving each other, and taking care of each other and living way better than we are now, then aren’t we going to look back and feel fucking foolish for not having a good time during the transitional process.
No matter how bad the world is, we have all been endowed with this incredible opportunity and incredible gift to being alive, being conscious, being intelligent and being capable of love. And, being worthy of love. That is the reality we need to be looking at and not denying anything and not ignoring anything.
by, Christopher Ryan , transcribed by Pam Chambers
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Author and Journalist Kevin Palmer – SMA Institute
Kevin Palmer Terminated From First base on over throw
Worked my way up in Wall Street biggest firm and after I learned everything I could from them, teamed up with other executives to advise smaller firms. Kept my license with one of our clients, to day trade…bad idea (story for another time or another book)…but that addiction inspired my Behavioral Finance firm, sMa Institute which did groundbreaking research still used today in investment policies of some of those firms
Jul 2, 2018. Former Arizona– based First Allied Securities broker/advisor