At a party in East Hampton, I met woman we’ll call Kathy, to respect her anonymity, even though she had little respect for others. She was from Brooklyn and believed it to be the universe center. As a child, I recall Brooklyn not being such a garden spot, (perhaps my reality), but fact was many who could, were leaving to raise families in the Burbs.

Granted Brooklyn is going through a rebirth but it’s still not Manhattan. Yet that didn’t stop Kathy from using the two interchangeably, punctuated with the declaration, “Being from the city, I never set foot on Long Island.” …Huh, geographically Brooklyn is Long Island unlike Manhattan or “the Borough” as locals call it, which is a separate island.

Far be it from me to take issue with Kathy’s perception but she indirectly dissed the rest of the country! Within minutes of meeting me she blabbered. “I hate that phrase, as big as Texas, don’t you? What does that really mean anyway?”

She had similar opinions about other cool places in the country like Silicon Valley, center innovation and second city east, Chicago and what she said about Washington D.C., I wouldn’t repeat even in bad company. Nonetheless it was clear to my new acquaintance that, “there was no place like New York.”

Her sense of self-importance is not uncommon to New Yorkers, to which I plead guilty at times, but her assumption that everywhere else has less worth, is flat wrong.

Since I was occupied with a second scotch and she was a buzz kill, I opted for some entertainment.

“Where else have you lived Kathy besides Brookline?” I asked.

“New York born and breed. Why would I go anywhere else?”

“Well maybe because in 1983 something called the internet made New York’s cutting-edge information in fashion, art and so on, accessible worldwide, which is why they call it the world wide web, ha ha .”

My laughter quelled her rising temperature that was putting her chilled martini at risk.

“Then in 1997 a company called Amazon went public and you could effortlessly buy anything sold in New York, anywhere in the country.”  A sinker right over the plate for strike two. She gripped the glass stem dumfounded that a homeboy could disrespect The  City.

Fortunately, at the perfect moment, a waitress brought two fresh drinks and either Kathy felt obliged to stay or was too drunk to move and I of course, used the opportunity to enlighten her on some history. “During the pandemic I understand there were city people who never left their apartments. Where I live there wasn’t much pandemic inconveniences.”

With a whisk of, was cooler than you in high school, I continued. “Golf courses put enough social distance between people so there was no real need for masks.”

Then I tapped the breaks for a five-mile slide. “For someone who lived in the same place for so long you may have missed how the rest of the country lives. Seem your thinking is stuck in the 20^th century.”

She grimaced before the words left my mouth, tightened her grip on that poor martin glass stem and said. “There’re too many damn immigrants in New York, that’s the problem!”

Squinting my Popeye eye I pointed, “See the beautiful blond over there talking to the bartender? That’s my wife and she’s an immigrant.”

Kathy turned, looked, then leaned into me and whispered. “She’s adorable and it’s so hard to tell —from where?”

“England. Her family came over on the Mayflower. They are documented too, as the first to buy and pay for, land from Native Americans.”

With a Cheshire Cat grin turned to Cherokee stealth I said. “Likely Native Americans feel the same as you do about too many damn immigrants.”

Mocking her white race card, would have been enough but for all those who suffer her conceit, I twisted the knife. “My wife was from Wyoming and during her first time meeting my family in New York she asked why, “everybody in New York City looks so pasty.”

“Never noticed it myself but since that day can’t get the image of weakling aliens starved for adequate sunlight, roaming the streets like aimless ants in a once mighty city.”

Perhaps at that point I should have asked Kathy how long her people were there but I got the distinct sense she wanted to spill her drink on me before she walked away.

I love New York don’t get me wrong. I just don’t buy Kathy’s self-indulgent hype. People come to New York to make it, like “Inventing Anna” and make it or not, many stay caught up in the wonderful charm of the city.

The unavoidable result is overcrowding. That many people living so close becomes a rat race extraordinaire. Services can never keep ahead of the crowd curve which spawns systemic corruption, way too high taxes for too few services and crime by those desperately on the bottom trying to survive.

Maybe as a shield against that reality attitude becomes all pervasive. Notwithstanding there’s nothing you get living in New York that you can’t get anywhere else in the country—except maybe for agita.

Palmer Private Equity, is rooted in Kevin’s Behavioral Economic Research that once set standards for Wall Street brokerage firms. It is now run by Kevin & Gretchen both formally trained at NYSE traded corporations. Its Philanthropic entity invests for the public good in the family’s nonprofit. Kevin is a Financial Freedom Fighter, who as an epigrammatic writer illustrates  how emotional intelligence leads to decision processes that enable economic dignity & improves quality of life. He published two books as well as numerous articles and blogs on economic and financially related topics and his third book will be out in 2023. Kevin has also had radio appearances on NPR’s Market Place, NPR affiliate KJZZ-FM, KXTZ-FM, as well as television appearances on KPNX-TV, KVVU-TV5, KNXV-TV. He currently resides in Scottsdale, AZ

“Peace through Prosperity” projects to challenge Injustices through Self-empowerment.
Kevin Palmer writer-rebel-producer-poet http://KevinjPalmerAuthor.com

Kevin Palmer Arizona http://KevinjPalmerAuthor.com

Kevin Palmer www.thequietrich.com

Author Kevin Palmer http://reawakeninganamericandream.com 

Kevin Palmer Arizona www.smainstitute.com

Kevin Palmer Phoenix www.kevinpalmerscottsdale.com

The post No place like New York in the Past Century first appeared on Kevin J Palmer Scottsdale.

The mythology of our culture rings in our ears and no one pays any attention to it. Of course man is conquering space and the atom and the deserts and the oceans and the elements. According to our mythology, this is what he was born to do. Man is fulfilling his destiny. This is the price that has to be paid for indoor plumbing and central heating and air conditioning and automobiles.

The price man has paid is not the price of becoming human. It’s not even the price of having the things we want. It’s the price of enacting a story that casts mankind as the enemy of the world.

The limitations of the hunting-gathering life had kept man in check for three million years. With agriculture, those limitations vanished. Settlement gave rise to division of labor. Division of labor gave rise to technology. With technology came trade and commerce and science.

The problem is that man’s conquest of the world has itself devastated the world. And in spite of all the mastery we’ve attained, we don’t have enough mastery to stop devastating the world or to repair the devastation we’ve already wrought.

We have to go on conquering the world until our rule is absolute. Then, when we’re in complete control, everything will be fine. We’ll turn the rain on and off. We’ll grow a bushel of wheat in a square centimeter. Then we move into the Star Trek era. Man moves out into space to conquer and rule the entire universe. And that may be the ultimate destiny of man: to conquer and rule the entire universe. That’s how wonderful man is.

Man was born to turn the world into a paradise, but tragically he was born flawed. And so his paradise has always been spoiled by stupidity, greed, destructiveness and shortsightedness. Man is the taker culture. Man takes takes takes.

Summitted by:

Pamela Grimm

Palmer Private Equity, is rooted in Kevin’s Behavioral Economic Research that once set standards for Wall Street brokerage firms. It is now run by Kevin & Gretchen both formally trained at NYSE traded corporations. Its Philanthropic entity invests for the public good in the family’s nonprofit. Kevin is a Financial Freedom Fighter, who as an epigrammatic writer illustrates  how emotional intelligence leads to decision processes that enable economic dignity & improves quality of life. He published two books as well as numerous articles and blogs on economic and financially related topics and his third book will be out in 2023. Kevin has also had radio appearances on NPR’s Market Place, NPR affiliate KJZZ-FM, KXTZ-FM, as well as television appearances on KPNX-TV, KVVU-TV5, KNXV-TV. He currently resides in Scottsdale, AZ

“Peace through Prosperity” projects to challenge Injustices through Self-empowerment.
Kevin Palmer writer-rebel-producer-poet http://KevinjPalmerAuthor.com

Kevin Palmer Arizona http://KevinjPalmerAuthor.com

Kevin Palmer www.thequietrich.com

Author Kevin Palmer http://reawakeninganamericandream.com 

Kevin Palmer Arizona www.smainstitute.com

Kevin Palmer Phoenix www.kevinpalmerscottsdale.com

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Kevin J Palmer

After I learned everything I could from them, I teamed up with other executives to advise smaller firms. (First Allied)

Kept my license with one of those clients, so I could day trade…bad idea (story for another time or for another book), but that addiction inspired my Behavioral Finance firm sMaInstitute.com which did groundbreaking research that is still used today in investment policies of some of those firms.

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There are two kinds of empathy, which includes cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Let’s find out the difference.

Cognitive empathy involves consciously trying to take on another person’s perspective. One tries to understand how they are feeling or thinking and putting yourself in another person’s shoes.  You will accurately identify how another person may feel. Cognitive empathy is okay. It’s very good to do and it helps to solve disputes. You take a moment to say, If I were him or if I were her, I can see how this would look and feel.  So, that is very good.

Affective empathy is emotional – It has to do with feeling the other person’s feelings. Empathy has some very positive outcomes, which includes romantic relationship satisfaction and trust between patients and physicians. The lack of any kind of emotional empathy results in bullying, criminality, and sociopathy.

Neuro-scientist researchers have found that there are greater vicarious and empathetic responses from people to whom they feel identified, i.e. If you are an American, you would get more upset over a plane crash that involves Americans vs other ethnic groups.

The brain works with association. The closer the association we have to someone in distress, ethnicity, geography, your group, your family, and the more upset you will be about a situation.  The closer you will be to feeling the feelings that they probably feel.

The researchers found greater brain activation in association with those similar to us with empathy, which is on the left front part of your head.  When researchers viewed members of the same sports team, they found that when an athlete on your team falls down and breaks an ankle, you are beside yourself. If someone on the other team falls down and breaks an ankle, you say, “Oh geez, that’s terrible.” It does not have the same emotional impact on you.

The problem with too much emotional empathy is that it can turn into empathic distress, which leads to the desire to withdraw from the situation to protect oneself from too many negative emotions and being too upset. When we go into empathic distress, we withdraw.

Clients will say someone has died or I was in the hospital, whatever, and my friends, sister, or brother never called me.  It is awful that they never reached out.  They may not have reached out because they are protecting themselves from feeling bad.  They can feel what you are feeling, and they can’t cope. So that person withdraws entirely from the situation at hand.

This can happen in romantic relationships too. Your boyfriend is struggling with a mother who is an alcoholic. You overly identify with how horrible this would be for you and you then withdraw. You have gone into empathic distress. Your boyfriend needs compassion and not empathic distress from you.

If you had compassion for him, you would be there to work with him on how to cope with an alcoholic parent. You wouldn’t cut him off and not discuss it, nor would you just break it off with him. Compassion is vitally important to a romantic relationship. In any long-term relationship, your relationship will be up against empathic distress, which will cause you to withdraw. Flip it to compassion, and you will have a markedly different outcome.

People who stay in that empathic distress mode get depressed, get anxious, and develop lots of physical and mental problems because we overwhelm our system. You cannot stay in that physical mode of distress. Speaking to others whether it be a therapist or friend, will help you uncover some compassion for another human being.

I particularly have a problem when something is unfair. I have experienced that in my own life several times. When I am presented with something that is unfair, I get emotionally overwhelmed, which is called empathic overdrive.

I have walked out of certain movies because of empathic overdrive.  I had to walk out of Sophie’s Choice. In the film during the Holocaust, Meryl Streep had to pick which child of hers would live or die. I overidentified with the film (having to choose which child of mine would live or die is the most horrible thing to be confronted with as a mother) and I had to walk out of it. I could feel the feeling. I call it excessive empathy. I felt how she felt. The empathic distress was too much and I walked out.

Let’s go to compassion. If you can’t regulate the emotions of empathy, you will not be able to keep the emotional distance that you need in order to help someone who is in pain, i.e. surgeon operating on a little child.

There needs to be some function that inhibits or facilitates in the empathic response to allow the appropriate functioning in order to help those in a stressful situation. As a therapist, I need to have the emotional regulative network working well in order for me to help my clients.

When you feel compassion, it is on the other side of empathic distress.  When someone feels compassionate, the feeling is focused on others. It is positive and prevents burnout.  Compassion involves feelings of warmth, sustenance and caring for another human being who is suffering. In other words, you are helping and not absorbing.

You are helping them find solutions to deal with it. A mother comes to me and has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She wants to know how she could go about breaking the news to her husband and children. I wish I had some sort of magical power to take it away.  It is very unfair.  She should not be terminal.

I need to manage the empathic distress that I am feeling in order to help her or I would simply withdraw.  If I were to feel what she feels, I wouldn’t be able to help her.  So, I turn to compassion and together we work out a way to break the news to her husband and children.

During this Pandemic, there is a lot of fear and confusion. I think it is important that we all understand our humanity. Yes, we need to protect ourselves right now. But one of the main reasons to protect ourselves right now, is to protect others.  If you protect yourself to avoid getting ill, you will not make anyone else ill.  COVID-19 is where compassion and appropriate empathy is needed.

When we follow all the rules, regulations and suggestions it protects everyone else.

When we go into empathic distress, we withdraw.

While I look out my family room window, I see these beautiful bushes with bright orange flowers. The bushes are magnets for hummingbirds. As I watch these fairy-like birds flutter, I realize the simple pleasures of life. Love and nature are truly the exquisite treasures that God brought to all of us. I hope you absorb yourself in these treasures during this difficult time of quarantine.

By, Pamela Chambers

• Pamela Chambers Consulting
• Mental Health Professional
• SMA Institute Contributor

The post Compassion Empathy-How are they Different? first appeared on Kevin J Palmer Scottsdale.

Kevin J Palmer NPR

Proficiencies of Kevin J Palmer are rooted in decades of driving performance for Wall Street giants Merrill Lynch and Paine Webber. Then, as Managing Director at Strategic Management Advisors where partnering with other executives, he built better broker-dealers by improving business models during an industry paradigm shift.

Going deeper into wealth-stratification, he spun off a behavioral think-tank, where he combined scientific method, advanced finance course, social work and psychology degrees, to procedurally measure scope and scale of emotional intelligence in decision processes. There he uncovered the way people with seven-digit net worth’s created wealth and made choices, dramatically altering socioeconomic forecasting.

Opposing power in the hands of the too few, this writer, rebel, producer, poet exploded into advocacy to end economic abuse and assure morally achieve wealth. Humbled by blessings and aversion to seeing suffering, this unabashed champion of financial justice also participates in wildlife rescue, environmental stewardship—and as recipient of the Governors Archaeology award, is fascinated by lives of individuals who lived thousands of years ago.

In his previous book, The Quiet Rich,  Kevin J. Palmer for the first time pulled back the curtain on wealth and success in America and shared how ordinary people have become millionaires by following their spiritual drivers and that by choosing to live authentically, connecting your personality to the vastness of your spirit, you can achieve the abundance you’ve been looking for.

He published numerous articles and blogs and did radio & television appearances regularly, on economic and financially related topics, for various stations like; NPR’s Market Place, NPR affiliate KJZZ-FM, KXTZ-FM, as well as television appearances on KPNX-TV, KVVU-TV5, KNXV-TV.

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NPR Marketplace Commentary

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Established under The Palmer Holding Group Ltd., a company grounded on two generations of integrity, accountability and citizenship.

The information contained herein has been obtained from reliable sources however may not be accurate and is not guaranteed by us.  Readers are encouraged to undertake their own independent investigation and evaluation of the relevant facts.  All claims and allegations are subject to adjudication, decisions may be subject to appeal, and no inference is intended, nor should any inference be made from any information contained herein from any source. This posting and the information on our website is for general information purposes only.  This content should be not considered legal advice, and any responses, comments, e-mails, other communications do not form any attorney client relationship.

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